The Premier Lacrosse League Heads to Dallas this Weekend

The PLL is heading to Dallas for week six of their regular season. If you haven’t watched any of the games to this point in the season, now is the perfect time to justify your ESPN+ subscription and fire up some lax; it’s way too hot out to be going outside anyway. Let’s take a look at what action is heading your way starting Saturday night at 6!

Game One: In this game we have what I would describe as the Dogwater Bowl between Atlas and Chrome. This is the game that is perfect for the sickos of the world. The two bottom teams in the PLL standings, and the two bottom teams in-terms of watchability. This is the type of game you look at and say, “this is going to be so disgusting that it might actually be good.” This features a matchup between unstoppable forces and immovable objects. In one corner, we have the Chromes utterly putrid, impotent and disjointed offense but Atlas’ defense that would have a block of Swiss cheese saying, “even I don’t have that many holes.” So what do I think happens in this game:

Moneyline: nobody wins, everybody loses, but somehow have fun while doing it. This is also my way of letting you, the people, know that I have absolutely no ******* clue what’s about to happen in this game.

Total: UNDER 24.5 If this game is the absolute dumpster fire I expect it to be goals will come at a premium and each one could be the last one of the game. Sounds ridiculous? It would have felt that way to me too before I saw Redwoods go over 30 scoreless minutes to close their game against Archers a couple weeks ago.

Game Two: Congratulations, you made it through what will (probably) be the worst game of the weekend! As your reward you get to watch the, “which one of you is for real,” matchup between Redwoods and Cannons. As previously mentioned, Redwoods LC forgot what the purpose of a lacrosse game is (outscoring your opponent) and decided they didn’t want to put the ball in the back of the net anymore after the 10-minute mark of their last game against Archers. On the other hand, Cannons come in on a 3-game winning streak and all the momentum in the world. There’s just one, eensy, teensy, tiny problem with that. Their three wins have come against the two worst teams in the league, Atlas and Chrome. Whoever wins this one will comfortably be a top-4 team in the league, but still have some work to do in order to be serious title contenders.

Moneyline Prediction: Cannons. Three wins against the two worst teams in the league are still three wins. I like the team trending up rather than the team trying to bounce back.

Total: Over 24.5. Notice how I didn’t bold and underline the word over. I’m not as confident in this one as I was for the previous matchup. Redwoods need to do a lot of soul searching on offense, and while I don’t have any doubts the Cannons will put up points, I have concerns if Redwoods will carry enough of the load to get us to 25 points. That said, life’s too short to bet the under, and rooting for points is more fun than rooting against.

Game Three: Oh, baby do we have the Granddaddy of matchups for you on Sunday at 3PM. The 4-1 Archers go up against the 4-1 and reigning PLL champion Waterdogs. I doubt the Rabil brothers saw these two teams being at the top of the table when they picked this game as the one to broadcast on ABC, but they have to be absolute ecstatic that it worked out that way. This is the fun version of unstoppable force meeting immovable objects. The Archers have the highest efficiency rating in the PLL after winning a faceoff, and Waterdogs have the most efficient defensive unit coming off a faceoff loss. These two units are going to battle it out all afternoon like gladiators in the coliseum. Dillon Ward won’t be in between the pipes for Waterdogs this weekend as he welcomed in a new baby recently (congrats!), which does take a little bit away from the matchup. Despite that, this game should have any person out there who considers themselves a sports fan chomping at the bit to sit down and watch.

Moneyline Prediction: Archers! I’m an Archers fan and make no apologies about it. Take that for what it’s worth.

Total: Over 24.5. If Ward was playing in this game I’d have said hammer the under in this game, but with him out I think two high-powered offenses are going to be stinging the back of the net all afternoon.

Game Four: This matchup brings up two teams that simply just don’t like each other in Chaos and Whipsnakes. Whips are getting a ton of help back into their lineup with several players returning from injury, while Chaos are doing chaotic things (pun absolutely intended) by playing around with lineups and positioning during the course of the regular season. These two teams have won 75% of the PLL’s championships and neither Andy Towers nor Jim Stagnitta will want to see their counterpart walking away with a win this weekend.

Moneyline Prediction: Chaos. Blaze Riorden is still on the roster for Chaos and still the best goalie in the world, right? Right. That’s all I need to know.

Total: Under 23.5. Whips need to figure out how to operate in this new shot-clock era, and Chaos like to play around with their food too much for me to think this game will have an offensive explosion.

My phone says it currently feels like 112 outside. Stay inside where the air conditioning is, grab some suds and soak up some lacrosse this weekend ladies and gents. Oh, and listen to my podcast where my partner and I discuss the weekend in greater depth:



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